"Which language is right for you?" by Simon Walmsley and Steve Suttles
Updated by jopi.
In order to help you make a competent, uncomplicated choice concerning the
competition between complex, incompatible computer compilers, we have
composed this complete, compact, composite compendium comprising comparisons
to compensate for the complaints and complements of their compromises. We
hope you will find it comprehensible rather than compost.
- You shoot yourself in the foot.
- LDA BULLET
- You can't decide which gun and which bullet to use, so
you hang yourself.
- You foot yourself in the shoot.
- In the foot yourself shoot you, but nobody is able to figure
out how on earth you shot into both feet at the same time.
- The Department of Defense shoots you in the foot after
offering you a blindfold and a last cigarette.
- GN (* Upside down triangle *) FT ^ BLT
- BASIC (interpreted)
- You shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol
until your leg is waterlogged and falls off.
- BASIC (compiled)
- You shoot yourself in teh foot with a BB using a
Scud missle launcher.
- VISUAL BASIC
- You'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you're having so
much fun, you don't care.
- You shoot yourself in the foot and then no one else can
figure out what you did.
- *foot = bullet
- foot = U (shoot_self);
- You create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them
all in the foot. Not knowing which feet are virtual,
medical care is impossible.
- U (shoot_self) >> foot
- [self shoot:aFoot];
- USE HANDGUN.COLT(45), AIM AT LEG.FOOT, THEN WITH ARM.HAND.FINGER
ON HANDGUN.-COLT(TRIGGER) PERFORM SQUEEZE, RETURN HANDGUN.COLT
- After searching the manual until your foot falls asleep, you
shoot the computer and switch to C.
- You buy a gun. Bullets are only available from another
company and are promised to work so you buy them.
Then you find out that the next version of the gun is
the one that is scheduled to actually shoot bullets.
- Foot Bullet shootInto.
- EQUIVALENCE (BULLET, FOOT)
- You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you
run out of toes. You shoot the sixth bullet anyway,
since no exception processing was anticipated.
- While you are playing tricks with the water pistol, a small
turtle tries to bite you in your toe.
- M (formerly MUMPS)
K ^YOU("FOOT","LEFT"). Luckily, M is primarily used in
medical applications, so you can register yourself in the
- You perform a shooting on what might currently be a foot
with what might currently be a bullet shot by what might
currently be a gun.
- You shoot both your feet with several guns a once.
- Byteworks keeps promising to supply good ammunition RSN!
- Same as Modula-2, except the bullet is not of the right
type for the gun and your hand is blown off.
- You try to shoot yourself in the foot, but it tells you
that your foot is the wrong type and out of range to boot!
- After comsuming all system resources including bullets,
the data processing department doubles its size, acquires
two new mainframes and drops the original on your foot.
- Prolog (interpreted)
- Your program tries to shoot you in the foot, but you die
of old age before the bullet leaves the gun.
- Prolog (compiled)
- The facts are against you. You try to stop the gun
from shooting you in the foot, but it replies "No."
- Smalltalk Actor
- After playing with the graphics for three weeks
the programming manager shoots you in the head.
- Grab your foot with your hand and rewrite your hand to be a
- You click on Bullet, and the mouse knocks the manual off
the desktop. The manual lands corner-first on your foot.